“It's the sexiest scheme on
the screen since James Bond discovered Pussy Galore!” After the
somewhat paint-by-numbers Hard Hunted, which lacked some of the vim and
vigour of previous outings in the wild and wacky world of Andy Sidaris, Fit
To Kill splashes some refreshing Hawaiian water on the franchise's face.
Dosed-up on American bravado and topless coffee breaks, it's all about a few
simple things: More action! More sex! More cheese ball dialogue! And more, many
more, remote control toys!...
Click “READ MORE” below to
continue the review and see more screenshots…
“You'll be disappointed the
day I see you hang.” / “As a condemned man you have to accede to my last
request.” After the events of Hard Hunted, which saw criminal
mastermind Kane (Geoffrey Moore) fail to secure the Klystron Relay for,
as it transpires, fellow crime lord further-up-the-food-chain, Po (Craig Ng),
sexy assassin Blu Steele (Julie Strain) is sent to dispatch Kane – only
for the charming villain to employ her to assist in his quest to steal the
Alexa diamond, which supposedly reformed criminal mastermind (yes, another
one), Chang (Aki Aleong) wants to give back to Russia now that the
Cold War is over. Following so far? Just barely? Yeah, get used to that
feeling.
“Are the pictures in
English?” / “'Cos we only buy American.” / “In that case we better go Yamaha.”
Naturally, with Chang holding a big soiree to turn the diamond over to Mikael
Petrov (Rodrigo Obregón), The Agency steps in to provide security, but
when Donna (Dona Speir) is implicated in the diamond's disappearance
alongside her bitter rival Kane (who has spent the last two movies trying to
kill her), it's up to the horny as hell government agents to retrieve the
diamond and clear Donna's name.
“Now we go to the hotel.” /
“I like hotels.” Sounds like an intriguing set up, doesn't it? Alas,
writer/director Andy Sidaris never really makes the most of the idea of
stripping Donna of her credibility, as the photos Blu Steele brazenly snaps
aren't really put to much use, while fellow agents Nicole (Roberta Vasquez, Do Or Die) et al barely question Donna's rock solid loyalty to law and
order. It's an odd choice, although what's just as curious is the attempt to
soften Kane – particularly in Donna's eyes, as she's spent two movies escaping
his attempts to kill her and her friends. Through a fleshed-out back story that
tries to excuse Kane's evil ways because of childhood trauma and a thirst for
revenge, Sidaris brazenly marches forth in trying to make Kane a little
cuddlier – going so far as to have Kane experience romantic daydreams about
Donna, whose superior resilience has broken through his cold criminal exterior
and penetrated his feeble heart. Mind you, we the audience are never expected
to take anything seriously, so why should Sidaris himself? Just roll with it!
“Our dance had nothing to
do with music.” The eighth entry in the 'L.E.T.H.A.L. Ladies'
saga was Dona Speir's seventh cinematic rodeo with Andy Sidaris (having
first appeared as Donna Hamilton in 1987's Hard Ticket To Hawaii) –
and it would also be her final appearance, as the Playboy Playmate turned
sultry action star moved away from her film career in the mid-1990s to pursue a
new life as an addiction and recovery counsellor and advocate for animal
rights. As the longest recurring character in the Sidaris-verse, Donna brought
a strong sense of continuity amidst the changing casts and characters
throughout her time in 'The Agency'. She also combined butt-kicking with whip
crack smarts and dazzling looks, so the series would never quite be the same
again after losing its main lead, even with a bus load of familiar faces
remaining to carry forward this very particular, and often times peculiar,
torch.
“That's quite a piece of
machinery you have there, flyboy.” / “It's long.” / “It's quick.” / “It's
hard.” / “It's dangerous.” / “It's aggressive.” / “It's deadly.” While Fit
To Kill represents the last appearance of Dona Speir in the Sidaris-verse,
it also acts as the first appearance of the series' other key regular player:
Penthouse Pet of the Year Julie Strain (The Dallas Connection).
She was to play a handful of characters throughout this and the four remaining
films in the series, and her statuesque height (6ft 1'') certainly helps
pose her as a credible threat to any of the male characters, whether she has
them at the end of her gun or high heeled boot. From the get-go you can
instantly tell why Sidaris would go on to cast her again and again, as she
combines aggressive sexuality with a gung-ho attitude on-screen – with much of
the cast having to perform most of their own stunts, these films were no place
for delicate flowers. Whether she's firing off a machine gun, piloting a deadly
RC 'copter, or enticing her way into Captain Burke's trousers (could anyone
else pull off the 'ninety degree lean over a sink to lap at tap water'
seduction technique?), Julie Strain approaches it all with unbridled gusto
– just the kind of vibe that'll power you through an Andy Sidaris movie!
“What are we doing in a toy
store?” / “This time we're gonna do it a bit more scientifically.” Those
familiar with the movies of Andy Sidaris will have recognised a recurring theme
(among many) of remote control toys – cars, helicopters, planes, boats –
and Fit To Kill brandishes this obsession from start to finish. Riddled
with explosives-laden RC 'copters from the get-go (check out those
gargantuan remote control units!), Sidaris goes so far as to set an entire
scene inside a toy store specialising in RC models. The climactic battle is
even fought between two duelling RC 'copters, for goodness sake! Considering
the onslaught of gunfights and car chases depicted in these movies, this
charming little fascination makes for a nice counterpoint to all the jiggling
boobs and exploding baddies.
“Captain Burke, you naughty
nautical buoy. Anchors aweigh!” Did someone say “jiggling boobs”?
Yes, they sure did, and at this point having struck well into the 1990s, it is
evident that the dial controlling the salacious goings-on has been turned up a
notch. From bikini-clad waterfall chill-outs to bikini-clad hot-tub hangouts at
K-SXY radio to bikini-clad Agency meetings (hey, I'm sensing a theme here),
plus a seemingly endless supply of revealing clothes and steamy bonk sessions
on-the-job, Fit To Kill ramps up the raunch, seemingly energised by new
arrival Julie Strain hopping aboard the 'L.E.T.H.A.L. Ladies' runaway
locomotive. Some of the more cursory T&A scenes of past films, which were
crowbarred into proceedings for a few fleeting moments (see Picasso Trigger), have been shunted aside in favour of more elaborate scenarios
involving soft focus mist-strewn dreams and hazy, flowing flashbacks. And yet,
even all these skin-on-skin shenanigans have a somewhat old fashioned vibe to
them, as the horned-up agents of 'The Agency' are often depicted as being in
monogamous relationships spanning across several movies (e.g. Edy and Lucas,
Nicole and Bruce). There's a striking sense of the casual meeting the
committed to the intimate relationships throughout the franchise, which feeds
into the whole vibe of Sidaris' dozen-strong collection of saucy action flicks.
“In America anything is
possible.” Shaking off the 'going through the motions' feel of Hard Hunted, Fit To Kill feels like everyone involved was having a bit
more fun, even if the movie cheekily copies & pastes a couple of tired
scenes from the previous movie (Shane vs Sandy at the hot tub shooting
range, for instance). Indeed, some of the shots might actually be pinched
from previous flicks! However, the generally refreshed feel seems particularly
true for Sidaris himself, who amplifies the exploitable elements while
injecting an added sense of flair to his usual proceedings. Naturally, there's
still a few questionable moments to be found in the mix (Mikael's ruse to
impress Ava not into bed, but rather the nearest sturdy surface, and her
decidedly casual reaction, certainly show off the film's age), but it would
be unfair and not in the least bit asinine to condemn a 26 year old movie –
especially of this variety – because it fails to adhere to the shifting sands
of present day virtuousness. To do that would be to not only brandish a lack of
humour and understanding of context (and even the space-time continuum
itself), but also completely miss the point of Sidaris' movies, which were
only meant to be a quick injection of fun, stitched together as they were in a
bygone era. Clearly, a film that ends with a swimsuit & champagne celebratory
dip in a radio station hot tub (and not for the first time) is not meant
to be taken seriously. As Dona Speir's final outing in the franchise, Fit To
Kill is a fitting swan song.
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