Thursday, 25 October 2007

Living on the Edge ... of a Silver Spoon...

I'd long since noticed this trend on MTV, but just recently it's really bugged the crap out of me, and with the endless pimping of the new MTV UK show "Living on the Edge" I was pushed over the brink of reasonableness into the pit of rabid ranting.

You see, much like MTV USA's "The Hills", "Living on the Edge" is a 'reality' show (the term being used loosely in ACTUAL reality because it's all staged, just watch how it's shot and edited and it's all laid bare in it's lying-itis non-glory. "LOTE" is about a bunch of rich kids living in Cheshire, you know the sort, spoiled little shit bastard teenagers who think they're ever so important and hard-done-to because dearest PaPa and MaMa didn't buy them the Porsche Camen, nor the Cayenne, but bought them a BMW X5 instead ... wankers basically.

Much like "The Hills", it's all staged, as previously stated, cameras just happening to be around - with two angles and convenient wide shots - when someone dropped a massive bombshell of gossip on their chum's arse, all the while wearing clothes that look like they came out of a second-rate Oxfam, but actually cost 500 quid because it's trendy - news flash fucko's - go to a second rate Oxfam, or an Army Surplus, and you'll have plenty of money left over to go and buy a kilo of smack so you can overdose and rid yourselves from our world so MTV will stop making pitiful 'reality' shows about you and your dick-faced mates.

Indeed, it was this disgusting show that celebrates rich kids and the generally ludicrously rich, that tipped me over the edge. Other key offenders include:

* Cribs (although at times it can be actually enjoyable if a true character is on it, rather than a Cristal-supping sports 'star' showing you their copy 'n' paste "Scarface" poster which is up on the wall beside a lavishly decorated room, which they freely admit to never using).

* All those shows about "the richest" or "the priciest". I recently saw one about New York hedge fund managers and their exceptionally lavish salleries (one bloke sucks up $1.5 FUCKING BILLION a year). Are these people interesting? No they're not, they're probably intolerably dull, or soul-sucking Gordon Gecko worshipping douchebags, who just have a stupid amount of cash...the sort of people who all club together with a table-full of mates to drum up $71 million for charity - excuse me, with sallaries that are hundreds of millions and even over A FUCKING BILLION dollars a year, you can drum up more than 71 comparitively-measily-dollary-doo's for genuinely needy people!

* My Super Sweet 16 - this show caps them all off with absolute ease. A show which celebrates spoiled rich girls and their retardly expensive tastes and demands for their 16th birthday - oh congratulations, you managed to remember to keep breathing for 16 years and managed to not choke on the silver spoon dangling out of your arse-like mouth, oh have a BMW X5 and a stupidly large party with your hundreds of apparent friends - news flash - NOBODY has hundreds of friends, (especially not the sort of people you find on social networking sites with a bajillion 'friends', all of which won't be actual friends but more like acquaintances at best - right Danny? hehe) ... anyway, these nob'eds have parents who just dole out the cash and provide everything for these snotty little bitches and their stupid demands.

Tell you what, get Sam-mother-fucking-Jackson from "The Negotiator" to come down hard on their asses and start denying these indulgent demands, now there's a good show. Then he bitch slaps these wastes of over-priced skin as well all laugh mockingly in their diamond-encrusted eyes.

This, finally, brings me onto another breed of MTV show I absolutely despise - self-improvement, MTV style, shows:

* Made - a bunch of social inepts/reject/dinks/dorks/Tom Boys get some vague-celebrity to show them a few tips on how to fit in with the In Crowd and reject who you really are, just so you can get the Timberlake-ish football star to take you to Prom so he can try and lace your drink so he can shag you seven ways from Sunday in front of all his grossly-real-world-useless mates.

* I Want A Famous Face - a bunch of not-that-great-looking/actually-not-bad-at-all/actually-attractive people who happen to be so incredibly vain that they are willing to have a shedload of plastic surgery - ON TELEVISION - so they can look a bit...roughly...sort-of-not-really like some celebrity they idolise and think they can emulate to make themselves feel better.

For starters, they never come out looking like their idol, nor do they often need it. Instead of waiting to grow out of any apparent body issues (as is often the case), they spend MTV's money (who are just exploiting them to turn a quick buck anyway) and get 'a famous face' - no, they just get a new face, a face tainted by the stain of vanity, impatience, laziness and deep-seated-emotional-problems, that (according to MTV's philosophy) are fixed by spending money and creating a mask made up of thinner thighs, bigger tits and slimmer noses.

MTV do actually make some worthwhile entertainment, the likes of Jackass, Dirty Sanchez (when they're not re-hashing & re-showing old footage that is), Strutter, The Osbournes, Celebrity Deathmatch and some others that temporarily escape my memory for the moment ... they should focus on such things - as well as *shock horror* MUSIC - rather than infecting weak-minded youth with pie-in-the-sky ideals of vanity and selfishness.


Much better...

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