“Big Movie. Big production. Big girls.” In
space no-one can hear you scream … but there's plenty of hairspray! Let's be
honest, can you ever live up to audience expectations with a title like that?
Once slammed as “indecent” by a U.S. Senator, Ken (Zombiethon)
Dixon's $90,000 VHS-era exploitationer isn't shy about coming forward. A cheap
and cheerful sci-fi adventure flick, with a cast who spend most of the movie
either in ragged bikinis or skimpy lingerie, Slave Girls From Beyond
Infinity isn't aiming for P.C. Plaudits in the slightest – it just wants to
give you a fun time. Think along the lines of Sorority House Massacre 2
– and set your expectations accordingly...
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screenshots…
“Now the bars keep the dangers of the jungle out.”
Opening in a jungle cast under the shadow of night, a woman in a bikini (that
wouldn't look out of place in 1,000,000 Years B.C.) halts, wraps her
arms around herself, and boosts her ample attributes towards the camera.
Suffice it to say, this ain't high art – this is fodder for a generation weaned
on Playboy and 42nd Street. Then, lumbering out of the foliage, a
phantazoid warrior – a sort of hunchback lizard/cyborg hybrid with a laser gun
for an arm – threatens to slay her where she stands until a dark and mysterious
man with a laser crossbow saves her life. But who is this stranger, his face
hidden by the shadows? What are his intentions?
“I've got an idea – that if we can reverse the
polarity on these cuffs, the only thing standing between us and freedom is
stealing a starship.” Elsewhere in the nearby galaxy, locked away in a
slave cell aboard a dark and dingy space craft, two similarly attired young
women strain against their chains. However, Daria (Elizabeth Kaitan, Friday
the 13th Part VII: The New Blood) has other plans – and
promptly breaks her chains with sheer brute force. Helping her cell mate Tisa (Cindy
Beal) bust out of her shackles, the duo stage a daring escape – battering
two horny guards on their way – and make off with one of the ship's light
craft.
“The only chance we've got is no chance at all.”
Unfortunately for them they don't get far before their escape ship is dragged
down onto the surface of a strange planet. After the crash, Daria awakens,
washed up on a mysterious beach being patrolled by an android – where the hell
is she? But more importantly, what has become of Tisa? Venturing further in-land
– through a dense jungle – Daria finds an ancient structure, like a mix between
an Aztec temple and an Arthurian castle. Inside she finds a grand dining hall,
the walls covered with various alien beasts – mounted as hunting trophies. What
dangers lurk in here?
“Hunt first the enemy, then the woman.” As it
transpires, this place – once abandoned by the space pirates who built it (that
this was said with a straight face is a marvel in itself) – is the home of
Zed (Don Scribner). Welcomed with open arms, Daria is reunited with Tisa
– now dressed in a flowing black gown – and is invited to dinner with the other
guests that Zed is entertaining. Rik (Carl Horner) and Shala (Brinke
Stevens, Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-o-Rama) seem at ease,
but when Rik pulls Daria aside and informs them that two of their own friends
have gone missing, Zed's penchant for night hunting becomes sinister. Indeed,
when Rik's sister Shala goes missing, it's up to them to evade the android
guards, brave the deadly perils of the jungle, and figure out what's going on
before its too late.
“I'd feel a whole lot safer with a big, strong android
like you along to protect me … of course, I haven't got a swimsuit, but I'm
sure you won't mind.” Silly in a good way – there seems to be an
abundance of lingerie on this planet, yet no footwear to speak of – Slave
Girls From Beyond Infinity never once takes itself too seriously (or
seriously at all). Some awkward mouthfuls of expository dialogue aside,
which come far more frequently than bared flesh, Ken Dixon's film just wants to
have fun. From the brotherly bickering of androids Vak and Krel, to the
charming low-fi model shots and matte paintings, its vibe of throwaway
trashiness proves gleefully entertaining.
“I've always found the female of the species to be the
greatest challenge, far more crafty and cunning than their male counterparts.
They're devious, unpredictable – full of surprises.” Suffice it to say,
Oscar-winning performances are not on offer here. And yet, Kaitan and Beal
gamely contend with the clunky dialogue (“We're cooking with atomic
induction!”, “Super-sonic psycussion – that's the answer!”), while Scribner
seems to channel from the future the facial expressions of Christian Bale in American
Psycho.
“I could say something rude, but I won't.” In
this day and age of the easily offended, such a film could be seen as a crass
relic of the recent past, but – flashy title included – Slave Girls From
Beyond Infinity has its cake and eats it too. Sure, the ladies wear next-to-nothing,
but they also brave 'the Phantom Zone' where the laws of time and space no
longer apply and come out on the other side with giant laser rifles, shooting
from the hip and taking on all-comers – mutant zombies, phantazoid warriors,
conflicted androids, and owners of skull thrones alike. Indeed, while Daria and
Tisa might not have the best luck in the galaxy, their can-do attitude is
infectious and their smarts allow them to pull off bold moves against their
captors. Good or bad, the male characters are all easily manipulated and live
according to mere base urges – violence and carnality - dopey lovers or sadistic fighters. It's about as far from a
poster child for 21st Century feminism as you could get, but beneath
the flick's blunt intentions it means no harm. It is a mix of power fantasy and
salacious frivolity that is not for taking seriously. Considering the crazy
title, to ever take it seriously – and, blimey, be offended by it – would say
far more about you than it.
“I wonder what else is walking, crawling, or
slithering out there.” 88 Films' DVD (formerly of the Grindhouse
Collection, now of the Cult Cinema Collection) comes with a stills gallery,
original trailer, Full Moon Trailer Park, and a bonus film – Famous T&A
(1981). Hosted by Sybil Danning, it's a 74-minute selection of steamy
scenes by known names before they were known. Ripped from a VHS, it does what
it says on the tin, showing birthday suit scenes (e.g. Ursula Andress in Mountain
of the Cannibal God), unedited raw footage, and Russ Meyer-esque
musical montages – in a similar vein to Zombiethon. This is what the
world looked like before the World Wide Web. When it comes to the main feature,
picture and Audio quality are pretty standard – stereo sound, and 4:3 picture –
it's clean, but occasional softness renders it unspectacularly average-looking.
“What you need is some stimulation and some
interesting company. I can promise you both.” Much like Bloodsucking Pharaohs in Pittsburgh (also in 88 Films' Cult Cinema Collection), Slave
Girls From Beyond Infinity has a title that's too good to fully live up to.
However, both have their own crazed charm and skewed sense of fun, delivering
just enough skin, just enough laughs, and just enough spectacle to justify
their alluring upfront selling power. Sliding in with a running time as skimpy
as the bikinis and negligee seen from the get go (71 minutes, but closer to
65 minutes when you take out the extraordinarily slow-scrolling credits),
the Slave Girls get in and out of trouble quick. Like its corny
dialogue, the film is amusing for intentional and unintentional reasons
simultaneously. It's a cheesy blast of goof ball silliness calling from the era
of video rental stores and gaudy cover art – and on this occasion the artwork
actually is accurate.
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