Triple Bill Mini Musings: Iffy Evil, Iffy Cars, and Iffy Vampires...

Resident Evil Retribution:
What's it about?
Unbelievably, the fifth instalment in Paul WS Anderson's mind-numbing series of videogame adaptations based on the increasingly incomprehensible Resident Evil franchise. 90 minutes of disconnected stuff happening.
Who would I recognise in it?
Milla Jovovich, Michelle Rodriguez, Boris Kodjoe, Kevin Durand.
Great/Good/Alright/Shite?
Rocking some rather shonky CGI, a non-sensical script - not even the customary chunk of up-front exposition (as is now common for every bloody entry in this series) can make this rambling, unfocused mess of gibberish make any sense. It's 'cool stuff' happening in 'cool ways' for 90 minutes ... if you're 12. There's no meaning to anything; it's all glossy visuals (aside from the aforementioned ropey CGI) and slapped-together 'events' organised in a very 'videogamey' way - a series of 'arenas', 'boss battles', doorways, elevators, ticking clocks, and other dated concepts that don't fit into the world of movie-making. Don't get me wrong, I'm a keen videogamer, but this dreck devalues the art forms of film and videogames. All surface, no brains, and with ill-considered scatter gun direction from a half-assed script, Resident Evil Retribution is unfortunately not the last in the series - that'll have to wait for the next instalment (apparently). It makes about as much sense as an arctic coat in the middle of a desert, and is as much fun as a painful bowel movement. Shite (appropriately enough).

Click "READ MORE" below for dodgy motors, and presidental action...

Used Cars:
What's it about?
From Bob Gale and Robert Zemeckis (five years before Back to the Future), this foul-mouthed comedy concerns warring used car salesmen - the scruffy hucksters versus the slick sleazeballs across the road.
Who would I recognise in it?
Kurt Russell, Jack Warden, Gerrit Graham, Frank McRae, Joe Flaherty, Michael McKean.
Great/Good/Alright/Shite?
From 1980, a simpler time in general, there's the usual 80s tropes - most notably the pursuit of money at all costs (in this case so Russell's shonky car dealer can try and enter, appropriately enough, politics) - and not-to mention gratuitous comedic nudity. No doubt this flick held a special place in the hearts of many American teenage boys of the early 1980s. Ultimately though, it only takes the love of a good woman (so good that she over-looks the repeated desecration of a corpse) to turn things around. There's an old school, laid back cynicism to the vibe of this comedy, which fits well with the R-Rated mucky mouths and titillation. It's not a laugh-riot, it's aged a fair bit, and it pre-dates Gale & Zemeckis' ascent to cinematic history in 1985, but there's a charming 80s feel - a certain laissaiz-fare attitude and championing of the blue collar American anti-hero - when you scratch down to the nostalgic 'yellow primer'. Good.


Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter:
What's it about?
Comic book adaptation directed by Timur "Wanted" Bekmambetov that does what it says on the tin.
Who would I recognise in it?
Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Dominic Cooper, Anthony Mackie, Rufus Sewell, Jimmi Simpson.
Great/Good/Alright/Shite?
With a wobbly sense of pace, the film finds it a struggle at times to live up to the intriguing title (Cowboys VS Aliens had similar issues living up to the dizzying heights promised by the bonkers title), but Bekmambetov's penchant for high concept action set pieces re-establishes viewer interest when the plot begins to stumble (a battle on a train crossing a bridge that's on fire is the main highlight). Winstead gets a pretty thankless role as Lincoln's wife, and at times the narrative jumps forward in disorientating leaps, with certain side characters becoming confusing presences on-screen. The big bad guy isn't much cop either, never menacing enough to strike fear into the audience, and never afforded a grand enough master plan to inspire lasting interest. When the film is working, however, is when Abe is swinging his silver-edged axe in dizzying moments of battle - but even for a somewhat disappointing venture, there are a few stand out moments left in store, including a surprisingly melancholy ending where real-world tragedy crashes the fantasy-world party. This mix of reality and fantasy sometimes works, but sometimes proves a distraction to vampiric events (particularly when the film focuses on Abe's ascent to the Presidency). The script is uneven - not terrible, but not brilliant - with a troubled sense of focus, and an apparent lack of interest in anyone who isn't Lincoln ... viewer attention is likely to drift when the action isn't popping. On the higher end of Alright.