Triple Bill Mini Musings: Iffy Evil, Iffy Cars, and Iffy Vampires...

Resident Evil Retribution:
What's it about?
Unbelievably, the fifth instalment in Paul WS Anderson's mind-numbing series of videogame adaptations based on the increasingly incomprehensible Resident Evil franchise. 90 minutes of disconnected stuff happening.
Who would I recognise in it?
Milla Jovovich, Michelle Rodriguez, Boris Kodjoe, Kevin Durand.
Great/Good/Alright/Shite?
Rocking some rather shonky CGI, a non-sensical script - not even the customary chunk of up-front exposition (as is now common for every bloody entry in this series) can make this rambling, unfocused mess of gibberish make any sense. It's 'cool stuff' happening in 'cool ways' for 90 minutes ... if you're 12. There's no meaning to anything; it's all glossy visuals (aside from the aforementioned ropey CGI) and slapped-together 'events' organised in a very 'videogamey' way - a series of 'arenas', 'boss battles', doorways, elevators, ticking clocks, and other dated concepts that don't fit into the world of movie-making. Don't get me wrong, I'm a keen videogamer, but this dreck devalues the art forms of film and videogames. All surface, no brains, and with ill-considered scatter gun direction from a half-assed script, Resident Evil Retribution is unfortunately not the last in the series - that'll have to wait for the next instalment (apparently). It makes about as much sense as an arctic coat in the middle of a desert, and is as much fun as a painful bowel movement. Shite (appropriately enough).

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