Texas Chainsaw Massacre (David Blue Garcia, 2022)

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“This is a chance for people to start fresh somewhere without the violence and the madness. Somewhere safe.” The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is one of the most iconic horror movie franchises, with Leatherface similarly standing as one of the most legendary mountains of murderous mayhem, and yet, out of all the major slasher series, it's also the one to have suffered the most inconsistency and misfortune. If your tolerance for bullshit is at an all-time rock bottom, then a film featuring the immortal line of direlogue “Do anything and you'll get cancelled, bro” might not be the wisest of viewing choices. However, gluttons for punishment are numerous amongst the horror fan community, so fire up that rusty old buzz-saw and let's head on down to Bulgaria, er, I mean Texas...!

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Critters Attack (Bobby Miller, 2019) DVD Review

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“You're not an idiot … more of a moron, really.” For 27 years the Critters franchise, which originally hit cinema screens in 1986 in the wake of the huge success of Joe Dante's Gremlins (1984), has pretty much laid dormant. Aside from a fantastic fan-made short film in 2014 (Jordan Downey's well received Critters: Bounty Hunter), those beloved fur balls with a monstrous appetite have been left to starve and gather dust. But, much like buses, you spend ages waiting for one only for two come along at the same time. Critters Attack! is not connected to the Shudder short series Critters: A New Binge (despite sharing the same production company), which was released in March 2019 to mixed reviews – but what of this fifth film in the carnivorous series: can it measure up like a rumbling post-feast rift, or will it fall flat like a pungent fart nobody in their right mind should have trusted?...

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Star Trek 2009...

I've never been one for Star Trek, and I've never been a Star Wars geek - but if I had to pick one over the other, it'd be Star Wars ... and even then just the original three movies, without any of that crap crow-barred in CGI rubbish.

However, I'm not a total Star Trek n00b. Being a media-obsessed sort - indeed I'm a zombie geek, aka "Zed Head" - I've picked up the odd bit of info along the way (with much help coming from The Simpson's et al). I know who Spock is, and his Vulcan ways, I know Kirk is a bit of an arrogant arse, and that Scotty says "I canny do it Captain, I'm giving it all she's got!" and such things.

As such, JJ Abrams' reboot of the franchise is well aimed at folk like me, as well as the Trekkies themselves. I didn't find myself overly gripped, but never bored, and always entertained - although I would have liked Scotty (Simon Pegg in this flick) to have come in earlier as he was great fun.

It runs along at a fair old lick for a two hour movie filled with stuff exploding, the cast all work well together, and it does a good job of allowing the reboot to happen. It doesn't feel too cynical - like a bunch of money men want more money - instead, because this is Star Trek, we get a decent plot device about alternate dimensions, which works very well and provides ample excuse to bring in Leonard Nimoy.

I've seen it now, and that's probably enough for me personally. I'd definitely see a sequel though.