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“I lost a gallon of blood because she saw some cockamamie movie!” A gaggle of sorority sisters who just so happen to be witches, the Satanic temptation of a goofy nerd, and costume design exclusively from a lingerie catalogue is pretty much the jist of this straight-to-video Scream Queen comedy horror flick – oh, and some Hollywood royalty even turns up to join the fun!...
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Flooring it in Mexico, the (sort of) end of an undead era, and the calamitous closure of a horror franchise is just some of what has been setting the tone of my October & November 2022...
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“You're about to hear one of the strangest stories in military history.” Funded by 'King of the B-Movies' Roger Corman, the intention behind Dinosaur Island was to cash-in on the likely success of the then soon-to-be-released Jurassic Park, with a thrifty-minded recycling of the T-Rex from the 1993's Carnosaur. Shot over twelve days on a budget of $190,000, with filming mostly taking place on cult movie icon David Carradine's ranch, the film was described by co-director Fred Olen Ray as “the kind of movie that if you were a fourteen year old kid, it would be your favourite movie”. Gathering a whole host of VHS-era Scream Queens and glamour models in animal hide bikinis (accurate to the prehistoric period, most surely) to scamper around betwixt natural spring hot tubs and none-more-fake-looking dino-beasties, Ray's description could quite possibly be the most spot-on statement of 1994...
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“Do you guys ever get horny?” The Academy of the Blessed Virgin is an educational home for troublesome girls in-need of some ruthlessly religious guidance to steer them clear of the ailments of modern society that's driving them down a dangerous path. You won't find any loud talking or lambada dancing going on at the so-called 'Virgin High', but this bastion of biblical purity is about to get a sullied reputation...
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“Smells like something screwy is going on.” Those pesky l'il demons are at it again, seeking to further their education by cranking the potty-minded hijinks up to eleven with death-by-plunger, and an ornate porcelain throne acting as a flushing portal to Hell...
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“They're kinda cute for primitives.” It's all be done before, hasn't it? Cops and robbers, the profession of love at an airport, the rise and fall of a criminal empire … but when was the last time you saw interstellar petrol knocked-up at a beach-side snack shack by a vegetarian wearing fashion that could best be described as coming from the 'day-glo vomitorium' collection?...
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Chaotic car-nage, the perils of prequelitis, and a murder-filled motel is just some of what's been setting the tone of my June/July 2022...
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“Look out! The behemoth returns!” After the somewhat limited Ghoulies (1985), the ghastly little demonic hell spawn return, this time to wreak havoc at a full-blown carnival. Surely these devious teensy troublemakers will find something to do with all these guillotines, switchblades, and unoccupied toilet bowls lying around...
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“Boy, what a girl goes through to send her brother to proctology school!” There's a killer on the loose, slaying their way through the set of a low budget trash cinema extravaganza, and while it's a tough job trying to keep your head attached to your body, it's seemingly a tougher job keeping your clothes on...
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“I got an idea – let's do a ritual.” A Lucifer-worshipping cult, laser eye battles, slimy little green monsters that look like mangled turds with teeth popping out of toilets, and gratuitous indoor use of sunglasses? It can only be Ghoulies...
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“Ladies and gentlemen, let the best asshole win!” Imagine, if you will, what a film made by a 10 year old boy might look like. Most likely it'd all be about about farts, wouldn't it? Step forward King Frat, a rushed-out Animal House knock-off, the highlight of which is an actual fart contest...
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A new era for a beloved franchise, televisual hits and misses, and a smoke-spewing screaming tear through the wasteland are just some of what's been setting the tone of my February and March 2022...
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“This is a chance for people to start fresh somewhere without the violence and the madness. Somewhere safe.” The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is one of the most iconic horror movie franchises, with Leatherface similarly standing as one of the most legendary mountains of murderous mayhem, and yet, out of all the major slasher series, it's also the one to have suffered the most inconsistency and misfortune. If your tolerance for bullshit is at an all-time rock bottom, then a film featuring the immortal line of direlogue “Do anything and you'll get cancelled, bro” might not be the wisest of viewing choices. However, gluttons for punishment are numerous amongst the horror fan community, so fire up that rusty old buzz-saw and let's head on down to Bulgaria, er, I mean Texas...!
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The new revised and extended edition of "Tigress of Celebrityville", my darkly humorous satirical thriller set in the absurd world of celebrity, is now available to purchase via Amazon in either eBook or Paperback formats.
Just search your local Amazon website for "Tigress of Celebrityville", or find out more information about the book HERE.
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“Who would've believed it, me playing a hero? I would have been a lot happier if you'd left me in jail.” Umberto Lenzi was a skilled journeyman director, but he was perhaps at his happiest when toiling in the criminal underbelly during Italy's tumultuous 'Years of Lead' in the 1970s, with films such as The Tough Ones and The Cynic The Rat and The Fist. Brandishing a keen eye for sudden flashes of violence as well as a darkly dry sense of humour, Lenzi's Free Hand For A Tough Cop acts as a proto-buddy-cop flick, featuring a mismatched pair on opposing sides of the law as they attempt to track down a remorseless criminal in order to save the life of an innocent child...
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A killer come back, uneven ground, and a grand finale are just some of what's been setting the tone of my December 2021 & January 2022...
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“What a disaster, and just a week from opening night.” By 1987 the slasher movie was in rapid decline, having dominated the popular cinema of the 1980s with masked murderers slaying their way through camp grounds and holidays alike with gore-drenched abandon. However, if there's still some juice left in the squeeze, you could be sure the Italians will find it, and in this case Michele Soavi (Dellamorte Dellamore) made a name for himself by injecting a fairly standard slasher flick with an invigorating sense of energy and a love for the horror genre...
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