Space Cop (Jay Bauman & Mike Stoklasa, 2016) Review

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“Ugh, he'll be fine. I accidentally set my gun to stun.” Years in-the-making by a band of fan favourite B-movie reviewers from the Internet, sci-fi comedy Space Cop has turned into something of a punching bag by its own creators, but is that a fair assessment?...

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Beach Babes From Beyond (David DeCoteau 1993) Review

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“They're kinda cute for primitives.” It's all be done before, hasn't it? Cops and robbers, the profession of love at an airport, the rise and fall of a criminal empire … but when was the last time you saw interstellar petrol knocked-up at a beach-side snack shack by a vegetarian wearing fashion that could best be described as coming from the 'day-glo vomitorium' collection?...

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Alien Covenant - a quick review...

What's it about?
The crew of a colony ship bound for a new world are woken from their hypersleep early and follow a mysterious, scrambled message to a planet that was once home to an ancient civilisation. Naturally, they encounter biological beasties galore.
Who would I recognise in it?
Michael Fassbender, Katherine Waterston, Billy Crudup, Danny McBride, Demian Bichir, Guy Pearce.
Great/Good/Alright/Shite?
Prometheus had a few flaws and divided audience opinion. Some loved it, some hated it (I'm in the former camp). Its weighty ideas of mankind's origin and the earliest ancestors of the infamous xenomorph made for grand scale, intelligent sci-fi. With Alien: Covenant, however, Ridley Scott & Co have listened too much to their Prometheus detractors and scurried back to xenomorph territory - despite Scott having previously been quoted as saying that said beastie had been seen enough on the silver screen!

A familiar story unfolds before the viewer as a group of unlucky space explorers encounter grisly ends, but at least Scott hasn't abandoned all his higher-minded ideas. A rich theme of creator/creation antagonism runs throughout (dovetailing with the Engineer/Human relationship in the previous film), even if it skews into 'simply confusing' instead of 'well explained' territory on occasion...

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We Should Eat Ice Cream Too (Short Story)

As mentioned in my previous post, "We Should Eat Ice Cream Too" is now available to read HERE. I hope you enjoy it.

Dr Alien (David DeCoteau, 1989) DVD Review

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“One minute I'm standing there and the next thing I know they're all over me like mud on a pig.” Following on from Creepozoids, Sorority Babes In The Slimeball Bowl-o-rama, and Nightmare Sisters, David DeCoteau rounded out the 1980s with this teen boy fantasy/comedy that was also known as 'I Was A Teenage Sex Mutant'. Zany from the get-go, it features deliberately on-the-nose humour, many-an-exposed-set-of-norks, substitute professors in lingerie, and an alien proboscis that sprouts from a college nerd's head to act as a powerful aphrodisiac!

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Triple Bill Mini Musings: Animal Instincts, Bunker Troubles, and Organic Gore...

Zootropolis:
What's it about?
The animal kingdom has evolved beyond its base instincts and created a world where predator and prey of all sizes can live side-by-side. However, when fourteen mammals go missing under suspicious circumstances, it's up to the first rabbit in the Zootropolis Police Department and a sly fox to figure out what's going on.
Who would I recognise in it?
Ginnifer Goodwin, Jason Bateman, Jenny Slate, Idris Elba, Nate Torrence, Tommy Chong, J.K. Simmons, Octavia Spencer, Shakira, and others (voices).
Great/Good/Alright/Shite?
With a strong and clear message at its heart, Zootropolis (otherwise known as Zootopia) still manages to avoid coming off as preachy, because the message is intrinsically lodged into the well-constructed story...

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Space Station 76 - mini review...

What's it about?
Domestic drama and workplace comedy meet ... in outer space. A refuelling station somewhere in the vicinity of Earth in 1976, to be exact. A closeted Captain pines for his lost love, a down-trodden maintenance man struggles with marital disharmony, a young girl has to come to terms with death and her Valium-addicted mother, and the new girl on the scene finds herself stuck in-between it all. Infidelity, gossip, rampant materialism, and visits to a two-foot-tall robotic head-shrinker ensue.
Who would I recognise in it?
Liv Tyler, Patrick Wilson, Matt Bomer, Jerry O'Connell, Keir Dullea.

Great/Good/Alright/Shite?
Styled after the sci-fi greats of the 1960s and 1970s, from films like "2001: A Space Odyssey" and "Silent Running", to hand-crafted low-fi sci-fi TV shows like "Buck Rogers in the 25th Century", we find ourselves in an alternative 1976 (or thereabouts, we must assume) with all the kitsch fashion, facial hair, and smoking around children to match...

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RoboCop (2014) - a quick review...

What's it about?
Remake of Paul Verhoeven's 1987 sci-fi action classic, remoulding the tale of Alex Murphy - a Detroit policeman who, after a vicious attack and on death's door, is transformed by a robotics corporation into a man/machine crime fighting hybrid.
Who would I recognise in it?
Joel Kinnaman, Michael Keaton, Gary Oldman, Abbie Cornish, Samuel L. Jackson, Michael K. Williams, Jackie Earle Haley, Jay Baruchel, and more.
Great/Good/Alright/Shite?
When will Hollywood realise that remaking beloved and iconic classics is never going to work? It's a fool's errand that is only going to generate angry fans of the existing film/franchise, and an inferior product. At worst you'll end up with a bomb that is creatively bankrupt and tarnishes the good name of the original. At best - in the rarest of cases - you might actually come up with something worthwhile which still doesn't match (let alone surpass) what came before. This unasked-for remake of RoboCop (so beloved that the citizens of Detroit petitioned for - and won - a statue of Peter Weller's original RoboCop for their city), sits somewhere in-between...

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Double Bill Mini Musings: Space Vampires and Con-Artist Chemistry...

Lifeforce:
What's it about?
The crew of a space shuttle following the trail of Halley's Comet encounter a strange, alien craft hiding within the comet's tail. Inside things only get curiouser as they discover countless dried-up vampire bat-like creatures floating within the cavernous confines of the ship - and then they stumble across three nude figures in suspended animation. The strangest thing of all is that they appear to be human. However, when the space shuttle returns to earth, the ground team discover there's been a terrible fire that's wiped out the crew - but left the three humanoids intact. Back on Earth - London to be exact - events take a turn for the worse when the lifeforms awake and start to literally suck the life out of people!
Who would I recognise in it?
Steve Railsback, Patrick Stewart, Peter Firth, Frank Finlay, Mathilda May, Aubrey Morris, Michael Gothard.
Great/Good/Alright/Shite?
Directed by Tobe Hooper (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre), co-written by Dan O'Bannon (Alien, Return of the Living Dead), and presented by Cannon Films during their 1980s heyday, Lifeforce has the genre credentials from the get-go. Based on Colin Wilson's novel "The Space Vampires" (surely a much better title than the non-specific "Lifeforce"), Hooper's film turns out to be a surprisingly fun outing. Jam-packed with special effects - from gruesome prosthetics and puppets to please horror fans, to a vast array of colourful optical effects to please sci-fi fans - Lifeforce unfurls in its final act into a stunningly epic extravaganza by way of a mystery. At just shy of two hours it's a touch overlong (and some plotting is either drawn out or repetitious), but the sheer volume of chaos and spectacle paper over the cracks (at $25m it was Cannon's largest film budget at that time) ... and that's without even mentioning Mathilda May's jaw-dropping beauty as the lead 'space vampire' who spends much of the movie seducing every male she encounters with all of her kit off (so that checks off fans of boobs, too!). If you're looking for something cheesy, something fun, something genre-tastic, ever-so-80s, and visually stunning, then it's worth checking out this somewhat-forgotten-about slice of sci-fi horror wham-bam mania. Good.

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Double Bill Mini Musings: Naughty Bears and Loving Aliens...

Ted 2:
What's it about?
When Ted's status as a 'person' is called into question by the state, the little fuzzy chaos machine and his 'Thunder Buddy' John - with the help of a pot-smoking newbie lawyer - must fight for Ted's civil rights. Naturally, gross-out gags and mucky-mouthed silliness ensues.
Who would I recognise in it?
Mark Wahlberg, Seth MacFarlane, Amanda Seyfried, Giovanni Ribisi, John Slattery, Jessica Barth, Morgan Freeman, and more.
Great/Good/Alright/Shite?
Having read some less-than-kind reviews of this follow-up to the well-received original, I couldn't help but think "Why?" Featuring a solid story (the fight for a sentient teddy bear's civil rights proves to be surprisingly involving) and several laugh-out-loud gags to accompany the general mirth, Ted 2 is just as much fun as Ted. A handful of resurrected jokes from the first movie do threaten to derail proceedings and send it careening down into a pit of self-referential 'remember this' laziness, but these call backs are soon dispensed with as the main thrust of the plot takes hold. It may not be as fresh as it once was, but what else would you expect? It's a sequel, after all - but MacFarlane, after a wobble with the patchy "A Million Ways To Die In The West", manages to give fans what they want and tell a good story. Arguably it's a smidge overlong (the Extended Edition adds in 11 minutes), but even scenes like the indulgent opening musical number are entertaining enough to paper over the cracks. The replacement of Mila Kunis with Amanda Seyfried (as new love interest Samantha L. Jackson) is well handled and allows the immaturity of John and Ted to run wild, sensibly leaving the "it's about time you grew up" shtick to the original movie. A little mustier around the frayed edges, but still as much fun as ever - if you dug Ted, you'll dig Ted 2. Good.

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Contamination (Luigi Cozzi, 1980) Blu-Ray/DVD Review

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“They invade your body … control your mind … blow you apart!” If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Ridley Scott and Dan O'Bannon (the Director and Writer of 1979's Alien) must have been blushing like schoolgirls when Luigi (Starcrash) Cozzi's gut-busting spin on their 'haunted house in space' shocker exploded onto the exploitation scene. Taking a handful of iconic images from Scott's film – including the alien eggs and the chest-burster scene – Contamination dispenses with subtlety and goes for spectacular slow-mo splatter...

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Chappie: Mini Review...

What's it about?
In a crime-ridden near-future Johannesburg high tech police robots are put on the streets to clean things up. However, their creator has dreams of developing a truly sentient artificial intelligence, and opts to test his newly developed code on 'bot #22, which has been destined for scrap. Unluckily for him, he's kidnapped by a gang of criminals in-hoc to a crime lord for a hefty sum - and they want to use his skills and his sentient robot to facilitate their final heist.
Who would I recognise in it?
Sharlto Copley (voice and MoCap), Dev Patel, Hugh Jackman, Sigourney Weaver, Die Antwoord, and others.
Great/Good/Alright/Shite?
"Short Circuit" meets "RoboCop" by way of "District 9" ... did you dig those flicks? If you did, chances are you'll dig this too. Far better for a new film to take significant cues from earlier films and apply its own little something to it, than for movie fans to suffer yet another inferior remake. Numerous parallels can be drawn between "Chappie" and "RoboCop" in particular, but this is still unmistakably a Neill Blomkamp film - he even takes a few cues from his break out film "District 9"...

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Short stories and other writing projects...

Recently I've been working on some short stories, a form I used to write in a number of years ago, but from which I got distracted by other creative endeavours. In addition to using the short story format to further improve my writing and try out some things, I'm also pursuing it for competitions as well as submissions to publications that specialise in short stories.

Right now I've just started putting together "We Should Eat Ice Cream Too" (sci-fi), and I've also got "The Seventh Rub" (no particular genre and more of a personal tale), and "Dug Deep" (horror). "Dug Deep" is a ghost story situated in a collapsed mine as trapped workers are painstakingly being rescued, while "The Seventh Rub" deals with the issue of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. "We Should Eat Ice Cream Too" - a subtle kind of sci-fi story - deals with themes of immigration, societal cohesion, and family - particularly fathers and sons...

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Manborg (Steven Kostanski, 2011) DVD Review...

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“Remember, it's not about the killing, it's about family.” Astron-6, the crazy VHS-loving movie making machines behind the Troma-tastic Father's Day and the much anticipated neo-giallo The Editor, have been cranking out bizarre shorts and features that appeal to the very best of 80s nostalgia for years. 'Lazer Ghosts' and 'Bio-Cops' are one thing, but then there's Manborg – a low-fi large scale action sci-fi chaos-mobile featuring Nazi demons, laser battles, and a home-made future dystopia...

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Galaxy of Terror (B.D. Clark, 1981) Review

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“ALIEN Was Just The Beginning … Hell Has Just Been Relocated!” Produced by Roger Corman – on a relatively handsome budget of $700,000 – if Battle Beyond The Stars (1980) was New World Pictures' answer to 1977's Star Wars, then Galaxy of Terror was clearly their less-than-subtle take on Ridley Scott's Alien (1979). Swapping out H.R. Giger's iconic xenomorphs for – among other things – a giant and rapacious worm-thing – and sticking with the basic setup (oblivious crew sent to a hostile planet to investigate suspicious goings on), Bruce D. Clark's sci-fi horror nonetheless throws up some pleasing surprises...

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Interstellar: Mini Review...

What's it about?
The earth is dying and it's up to test-pilot-turned-single-father/farmer Cooper to pilot one last mission through a black hole to search for a new home for mankind.
Who would I recognise in it?
Matthew McConaughey, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain, Michael Caine, Casey Affleck, Topher Grace, and others.
Great/Good/Alright/Shite?
Christopher Nolan is big on ideas and even bigger on presentation, and his science-packed sci-fi is no different. The most common criticism levelled at Nolan has often been the apparent 'coldness' of his films, the extent of which is debatable, but Interstellar undoubtedly ups the heart factor - prepare to have your heartstrings plucked a few times (and wail "Murph!" like it was karaoke). Indeed, its this wrestling between the scientific head and the lovesick heart that provides much of the films dramatic backbone - at times a rocky relationship, but one which pays off when all is said and done. Set in a semi-dystopian future, the world still looks beautiful - aside from the 1930s-alike dust storms, and the inevitable selfishness of mankind that seeks to sleepwalk everyone into oblivion...

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Double Bill Mini Musings: Groundhog War and Deliciously Dark Satire...

Edge Of Tomorrow:
What's it about?
Doug Liman's sci-fi action fest about a military P.R. man who unwittingly finds himself thrown into the midst of an all-out offensive against an invading alien force - and promptly dies - only to suddenly resurrect the day beforehand. He remembers what happened, but nobody else does - day after day after day he's thrown into battle to die, but when he encounters another warrior who knows what is happening to him, there might be a way to end the war once and for all.
Who would I recognise in it?
Tom Cruise, Emily Blunt, Bill Paxton, Brendan Gleeson, Tony Way, Noah Taylor, and more.
Great/Good/Alright/Shite?
Overlooked at the box office, it's a shame that Edge of Tomorrow (previously known as "All You Need Is Kill" after the source material) didn't do better - although the patchy advertising campaign didn't help (which turned a tagline into an accidental new title "Live. Die. Repeat."). Balancing sci-fi spectacle with an irreverent sense of humour, EoT plays the 'groundhog day' setup for all its value - both light and dark. The script is smart, funny, and briskly paced - making for an altogether entertaining thrill ride with an eye for invention. It absolutely deserved a better reception at the box office, but hopefully it will find a home as a cult classic in due course on the home video market. Great.

Click "READ MORE" below for Bobcat Goldthwait's savaging of America's rotten reality TV fixation...

Triple Bill Mini Musings: Aliens, Warriors, and Country Lanes...

Under The Skin:
What's it about?
An alien, with the outward appearance of a beautiful young woman, scours the streets of Glasgow looking for men to take back to a mysterious black space to be consumed.
Who would I recognise in it?
Scarlett Johansson.
Great/Good/Alright/Shite?
A meandering low-fi sci-fi from the director of Sexy Beast, Under The Skin is a strange tale that's more interested in sensory experiences than it is plot. Filmed from the alien's perspective, our human world is seen objectively from the outsider's viewpoint - myriad voices on the street merge into a muffled confusion, a sea side tragedy is watched like a science experiment. Told partly using hidden camera footage - where Hollywood A-List megastar Johansson vanishes unnoticed into the masses - the film further maintains its naturalistic edge by employing non-professional actors in supporting roles. Visually it's stunning - the opening sequence seems to suggest the alignment of planets only to transform into the creation of an eye - while Johansson's performance is stellar, combining the dangerous attraction of a siren with the vulnerability of a naive interloper. Arguably it's five-to-ten minutes too long, but it's quiet approach occasionally explodes with un-showy moments that deeply disturb - the aforementioned sea side sequence, or what happens within the pitch black ooze for example. It will no doubt test the patience of mainstream audiences, but fans of low-fi curiosities with unique perspectives will get a kick out of it. Johansson continues to build a varied and interesting career. Good.

Click "READ MORE" below for 300: Rise Of An Empire, and In Fear...

Double Bill Mini Musings: Strange Cameras and Stolen Culture...

Time Lapse:
What's it about?
Three friends discover a bizarre camera, in the home of their recently deceased neighbour, which can take photographs of future events.
Who would I recognise in it?
Danielle Panabaker.
Great/Good/Alright/Shite?
The film wastes little time in convincing its protagonists in the existence or mechanics of this strange photographic device, preferring to get the setup done quick and then take time with what comes next. There are familiar themes relating to time travel, such as using it for greed or the mind-twisting workings of the concept itself, but the film still feels more fresh than you might initially expect. The characters aren't necessarily the deepest or most complex, but their wants and needs are clear, and the performances help bolster their curious predicament as believable. Inevitably things take darker and more troubling turns, and while some twists are relatively predictable, the climax is deliciously satisfying. Good.

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Pentuple Bill Mini Musings: CGI, Nonsense, Monsters, Knock Offs, and Hauntings...

World War Z:
What's it about?
Big budget adaptation (in-name-only, pretty much) of Max Brooks' celebrated zombie novel.
Who would I recognise in it?
Brad Pitt, Mireille Enos, James Badge Dale, Matthew Fox, Fana Mokoena, David Morse, Peter Capaldi.
Great/Good/Alright/Shite?
I went into watching this flick (in its "extended" form) with my expectations at rock bottom after months of negative press and information and trailers in the lead-up to the initial release. Likewise with very mixed reviews coming from fellow zombie fans, I was preparing myself for an out-right calamity. Fortunately, it wasn't quite that bad - however, it was still a massively compromised hodge-podge of CGI, gargantuan plot holes, and leaps in logic that crumble what semblance of a narrative there is. Effectively a series of increasingly large-scale set pieces, the film rushes to establish a 'family dynamic' to give Brad Pitt's Gerry something to fight for. Sadly, the film never earns the right to our emotions as it swiftly goes about throwing as much money at the screen as possible. The scale is impressive, but the running, jumping, screeching, twitching, 'zombies' look awful - it's CGI overload and groan-inducing "I Am Legend" style nonsense all-the-way. The 'ant hill' and 'fluid group dynamics' are just naff gimmicks as the CGI 'zombies' defy physical logic and the abilities of the human body.

Click "READ MORE" below for more WWZ, horrors inside the home, Nazi monsters, knock-off Star Wars action, and spooky houses...