Ghoulies (Luca Bercovici, 1985) Review

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“I got an idea – let's do a ritual.” A Lucifer-worshipping cult, laser eye battles, slimy little green monsters that look like mangled turds with teeth popping out of toilets, and gratuitous indoor use of sunglasses? It can only be Ghoulies...

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Formula For A Murder (Alberto De Martino 1985) DVD Review

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“I must kill a man.” The 1980s were a bit of a lean time for gialli (the heyday of which was the early 1970s) what with splatterific American slasher movies dominating the horror genre at that time, but there was still room for Italian murder mysteries amidst the Jasons and Freddys and Michaels. Alberto De Martino's slow-burn killer thriller combines the priesthood, repressed memories, and that old motivator money in a story about a wealthy paraplegic sportswoman who spirals into a whirlwind of love and murder...

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Malibu Express (Andy Sidaris, 1985) Review

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“You really are a horse shit at showing emotion, but I like that in a man.” The first part (of twelve) in Andy Sidaris' “L.E.T.H.A.L. Ladies” series doesn't pack the same punch as its follow-up Hard Ticket To Hawaii, but the writer/director's heady mix of beautiful babes, muscular men, brash action, and corny dialogue was clearly the state of play from the very beginning. At the heart of the somewhat baffling plot – a vague remake of the director's own 1973 début feature film Stacey – is a Private Investigator, a wealthy family, and a scheme to sell America's computer technology to the communists – and a hell of moustache...

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Nail Gun Massacre (Terry Lofton & Bill Leslie, 1985) Blu-Ray Review

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“Now, now. You shouldn't really fall to pieces over me.” Cheaper than a chainsaw, pointier than a pointy thing, this low budget revenge-fuelled slasher brings bargain basement gore to the woods of rural Texas where a maniac with an aversion to amorous couples and construction workers is on the rampage. Cobbled together by determined first-time film makers and exploited by unscrupulous distributors for decades, the journey towards wider recognition has been an arduous one for Nail Gun Massacre, a gritty DIY horror from the heyday of the video cassette that is adored just as much for its unintentional goofs as it is for its scripted sarcasm...

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Massacre In Dinosaur Valley (Michele Massimo Tarantini, 1985) DVD Review

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“It's the land of the Aquata, they're also head hunters, still practising. What's more, some of them are cannibals besides, but I hear the God they venerate is some kind of animal.” The Italian cannibal movie cycle seemingly died a spectacular death in 1981 with Umberto Lenzi's savage Cannibal Ferox, which was otherwise known in American under the particularly memorable title 'Make Them Die Slowly' when it was released stateside in 1983 to thunderous success (1980's Cannibal Holocaust didn't hit America until 1985). The noise of the box office kerchings rang all the way back to Italy and so, further bolstered by the warm reception afforded to jungle adventure romp Romancing The Stone, the Italians returned to the green inferno to deliver Massacre In Dinosaur Valley to the masses...

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Red Heat (Robert Collector, 1985) DVD Review

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“Explore the naked passions in this hot-house of hell!” Just two years after the exploitation excesses of Chained Heat, Linda Blair returned to jail for Red Heat, swapping sunny Los Angeles and hot babes for the bleak hopelessness of East German cold war communism.

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