Strip Nude For Your Killer (Andrea Bianchi, 1975) DVD Review...

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It's a very real possibility that you've never heard of this mid-70s giallo flick, let alone seen it (especially if you're British), but - thanks to Shameless Screen Entertainment (in their gleefully gaudy yellow DVD cases) - you can.


The film kicks right off at the business end of an abortion that goes tragically wrong for the fashion model on the receiving end of the procedure, thus setting into motion a series of killings perpetrated by a vengeful and lithe figure adorned in black leather motorcycle gear. Everyone at the dead girl's modeling agency could be a suspect or the next victim, and with the police struggling to crack the case, it's up to a photographer and his beautiful assistant to solve the case - when they're not busy stripping off and getting steamy with each other, that is.


Packed to the rafters with bare flesh, the sexual politics are obviously well dated, but fans of beautifully photographed and skilfully directed giallo with a touch of sleaze will be in for a treat. Franco Delli Colli's photography (polished up by Shameless and presented in its original aspect ratio) mixes perfectly with Francesco Bertuccioli's scene-blendingly crisp editing, and Andrea "The Zombie Dead" Bianchi's smoothly crafted, tension-inducing direction.

Like many giallo flicks, the focus is more on beautiful images and gorgeous girls, than telling a tightly scripted narrative, but if you enjoyed the giallo movies of Dario Argento's early career (such as The Bird With The Crystal Plumage, and Deep Red) and you're wanting to branch out a bit further into the scene, then Strip Nude For Your Killer is an ideal next step for cinematic connoisseurs.


Shameless Screen Entertainment's Region Free DVD comes with a series of trailers for this and other titles in their catalogue, as well as a reversible sleeve so you can choose which lurid cover is more to your liking (both feature the same back cover, replete with 13 screenshots ... all of which have boobs in them ... for your information).

Bianchi's film is garish, gorgeous, brutal and beautiful all at the same time.

Pentuple Bill Mini Musings: Chicks, Demons, Idiots, Bugs and Clint...

Thelma & Louise:
The final image - with which I'm sure you'll be very familiar with already - is one of those lasting cinematic moments that you'll probably see before you watch the movie. I've seen that moment countless times, and numerous parodies of it (such as on Robot Chicken), but I've only just gotten to the actual movie - and it's good. No wonder it has stood the test of time, it's ideal film school text, it's an essay in-itself about oft-termed girl power, and feminist empowerment, plus it's just a solid story. The eponymous ladies head off for a weekend away fishing, but a fateful stop at a bar leads to them going on-the-run from the law in a world run by men who are almost always idiots or bastards ... or charming bastards. It's quality popcorn sexual politics.


[REC] 2:
The original quickly got a name for itself - the first-person tale of a camera crew attending a routine emergency call with firemen, only to be dunked head first into a horrific battle against blood thirsty monsters in an apartment building. It was well crafted and frequently nerve shredding. The sequel on the other hand picks up immediately after the events of the first movie - from the perspective of a SWAT team charged with escorting a mysterious man inside so that he can carry out a, seemingly simple, task of getting a blood sample.

While the characterisation is a bit brief, and a bit blunt and simplistic (yet another panicky, shouty guy - Larra), yet the broad strokes approach gets you into the action swiftly (the entire reason to watch the movie). There's less tension this time around (but it's by no means missing), and a middle portion featuring the most annoying movie teenagers I've seen in years is nothing but pointless, aggravating filler ... but beyond that there's a nice twist to the monsters themselves, and a thrilling/creepy race to the finish line. If only they'd hacked out those beyond-stupid, totally-annoying, utterly-pointless, desperately-in-need-of-multiple-slaps, can't-wait-to-get-shot-of-them teenagers from the script in the first place!


Jackass 3.5:
It's off-cuts from Jackass 3D polished up to essentially double-dip on the fan base, but then again with that amount of extra content, you can't blame them for putting together a 'best of the rest' disc (which also features yet more out-takes and additional scenes). Fortunately it's decidedly better than the brief and mostly passable Jackass 2.5 (less talking, less rubbish, more entertainment), and it features some inventive nut-shots ... and who doesn't chuckle at a creative nut shot?!


Phenomena:
The last time there was a Dario Argento season on The Horror Channel, I missed this particular slice of bug-baiting curiousness (featuring a rather young Jennifer Connelly). The movie can't decide what sort of flick it wants to be, with a plot that lurches from one territory to the next, without fully realising any of them. A young girl (the daughter of an actor) is shipped off to a private girl's school in Switzerland, where she befriends an entomologist (Donald Pleasance, with a Scotch brogue on his tongue) who is cared for by a chimp ... oh, and she has a curious telepathic link with insects ... and there's a random murderer running around offing girls. It's not as visually exuberant as the likes of Suspiria, or as crisp as The Bird With The Crystal Plumage, but it's decidedly better than the dull The Stendhal Syndrome (nice idea, poor execution). However, the sloppy plotting, lack of exploration of some ideas that are set-up well (only to be practically abandoned), and a third act reveal that makes little (if any) sense makes it a bit of a damp squib. Okay - not crap - but not particularly good either.


Tightrope:
Clint Eastwood is a New Orleans cop, and single father-of-two, who's tracking a vicious sex killer through the seedy streets of sin across the city. The psychological motivation is explored as much as a cop thriller from the 1980s with a big-name-star ever could - but by today's standards, it's a relative skimming of the surface. Not one of Eastwood's best, but certainly not his worst.

Double Bill Mini Musings: A Scarlet Duo...

Easy A:
Inspired by The Scarlett Letter, and the beloved teenage movies of John Hughes, this high-school-set comedy is a very pleasant surprise. The script, about a girl called Olive (Emma Stone) adopting an image as the school floozy (yet never committing any of the acts she is wildly rumoured to have done), has a fresh feel about it. It's self-aware, but never in a way that beats you over the head. The side characters are written with wit and memorably punctuate the focused plot, and Stone makes for a captivating lead, combining smarts, charm and sexual allure with aplomb. Smart, funny, and kind-at-heart, it's highly recommended you check it out.


Sleepless:
Continuing The Horror Channel's brief season of modern Argento movies, this 2000 murder mystery sees the oft-termed Master of Horror return to his giallo roots (giallo meaning "yellow", which was the colour of the book covers for pulp murder mystery novels). Dario Argento's films have always been a case of a relatively twisty plot, told simply, with a unique visual flourish. The reason to watch an Argento movie is his particular vision - a vision that was sorely lacking in the interesting, but lacklustre, The Stendhal Syndrome ... and to a lesser extent here too.

That said, the first portion of the movie exhibits much of Argento's famous skill at crafting a tense chase sequence (the train murder is particularly impressive, and harks right back to his heyday), but beyond that the wheels slowly begin to wobble in between the crimson-drenched set pieces. However, the presence of the experienced and gentlemanly Max von Sydow is consistently welcome throughout, and his teaming with the young male lead has a particular charm to it. It's a welcome return to Argento's roots, but an uneven visual impression (the camera work lacks the classic confidence and intricacy of earlier work) and a pace that could have used more judicious editing leaves it lacking in comparison to the likes of The Bird With The Crystal Plumage, Deep Red, Tenebrae, and Terror At The Opera.

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Oh and by the way, this is blog post #650.

Hextuple Bill Mini Musings: Art, Ponciness, Hard 10s, Mowers, Aliens, and Speeding...

The Stendhal Syndrome:
Another season of Dario Argento movies is running on The Horror Channel, which has improved a hell of a lot over the last 12-18 months. The eponymous syndrome is that when the victim suffers a collapse after being overwhelmed by artwork, after which they suffer the effects of a split personality. It's an intriguing concept, but for my liking it isn't explored quite enough. It needed to go into darker and stranger territory for me, but it felt somewhat lacking and - oddly - in need of some classic Argento flourishes. A great idea at heart, but the execution is disappointing. Definitely not one of his best works, but even still, it's one of his most interesting ideas.


Rubber:
The movie about a killer car tyre - who the hell wouldn't want to see it?! Well, half of it anyway. The half that follows the tyre discovering its powers and exploding heads is enjoyably daft ... but the other half is an eye-rollingly pretentious load of old bollocks, that is so self aware it's not in the slightest bit funny, witty, or entertaining. If all that wasn't in the movie, it'd be a spiffing 40 minutes - or personally, I would have gone in a different direction with such an idea as a killer car tyre.

The opening monologue, about "no reason", is apparently supposed to be ironic. Now, is that because none of the examples given demonstrate "no reason" at all, or is it ironic for another reason and the annoying monologue is actually being serious? I enjoyed the silliness of the cop arriving in the trunk of a police car, which knocked over a series of chairs in the middle of a road, but for goodness sake I didn't need the poncy-arsed bullshit that came afterwards and was dotted throughout the movie. So it's a very split flick - one half of it is total crap that thinks far too much of itself, and the other half is an enjoyable askew idea of a killer car tyre blowing up people's heads in and around the desert motel that was memorably featured in Rob Zombie's wonderful The Devil's Rejects.


She's Out Of My League:
A nerdy guy who works for TSA (a "5") meets and gets into a relationship with a jaw-droppingly gorgeous girl (a "hard 10"), and nobody can quite believe it. I really enjoyed this somewhat raunchy comedy, which packed a perky and funny script populated by entertaining characters. Not much to say about it, but I thoroughly enjoyed it.


The Straight Story:
Another dose of David Lynch with this tale of an OAP who treks across state lines on his ride-on lawnmower to visit his ailing brother with whom he hasn't spoken for a decade. It's a simple story - a straight story if you will - but at the same time, it's an odd one. Lynch's film, a typically idiosyncratic ode to rural America, finds the curious in the normal, and the normal in the curious. It's a meandering yarn with a gentle, laid back feel, and despite being quite different from the likes of Blue Velvet or Mulholland Drive, you can feel Lynch's hand at work throughout - indeed, the same can be said of long-time Lynch composer Angelo Badalamenti, who scored the flick.


Monsters:
A lot has been made of this film - mostly down to the micro budget and that Gareth Edwards (the Writer/Director) put the visual effects together "on his laptop". However, the pace is too slow and the male lead is too annoying for too long ... but on the other hand the subtleness of the fact that South America is now a quarantine zone populated by giant alien squids provides some nice tension. The plot is a bit sparse, and it doesn't quite convince at certain points (most notably the reason the two leads have to trek through the zone), but the low-key-yet-involving spectacle of the finale is impressive. It's also an impressive feat technically and stylistically, but it's a bit lacking at points throughout the uneven script. That said, it's a solid debut from a fellow Brit, and I look forward to seeing what Edwards can do with a bigger budget and a tighter script.


Gumball 3000: Coast To Coast:
I'm a bit of a fan of Gumball 3000 (and Bullrun), keeping up with them through the DVD releases and TV shows made about them over the years. This one I've only just discovered, and it's about the L.A. to Miami rally in 2009. It's nowhere near as good as Gumball 3000: The Movie, nor 3000 Miles, so it's a disappointing effort. 'Nuff said.

Hextuple Bill Mini Musings: December 2010 left overs...

The Descent: Part 2:
Neil Marshall's spelunking 'chicks with picks' claustrophobic nerve shredder was a truly wonderful piece of pin-sharp scare mongering, but annoyingly for the American release it had to have an 'up' ending (relatively speaking) ... or, rather than 'up', an ending capable of providing a sequel.

So here we are with a second part that brings in a bunch of American spelunkers, including one beligerant bastard of a Sheriff, and off we go again as the sole survivor of the first quietly goes along with the plan to head back down into the caves.

There are a few moments of nice scene setting, but there's no mystery here. The first had mystery, and it had build-up (lots of it), and most importantly it was nail-bitingly claustrophobic and provided a handful of proper scares. Sadly, yet entirely predictably, this unnecessary sequel can't beat Marshall's superior original, which should have always been a stand-alone affair.


Lost Highway:
Having been all about Twin Peaks for a few weeks, I figured I'd give David Lynch's surreal dose of disjointed nightmares another go - I say that because during my teenage years I attempted to watch it and gave up after half an hour. So a good ten-or-more years later I returned, determined to see it through to the end.

There's not really much of a plot, nor does it seem there is supposed to be one, so really it's a series of vaguely connected nightmares and nightmarish ideas. Like a blended mixture of shreds of various disturbed night's sleep. I much prefer Blue Velvet, but it was good to finally see this one through to the end.


The Bird With The Crystal Plumage:
Everything that Dario Argento is, does best, and does time-and-again, is exemplified during an early sequence in which an artist witnesses a mysterious attempted murder in an art gallery. Everything about this sequence summarises Argento's direction, writing, and attention to appearances.

Typically, the plot has its fair share of holes (particularly the typically last-minute-seeming twist), but Argento has never really been about having a solid plot. It's all about the carefully crafted design behind the camera of what is in front of the camera, and Crystal Plumage proved to be an involving muder mystery.


Deep Red:
Similar to Crystal Plumage, this gore-flecked murder mystery features an artist (a pianist) becoming fascinated by solving a murder, which becomes a series of murders, featuring a figure clad in leather gloves, a black hat, and a leather trench coat. Once again the plot isn't the main focus - it's the lush visuals and sheer design aesthetic - and, again, the twist reveal is all a bit hurried. However, once again, this proved to be a hypnotically good bit of giallo.


The Cat O'Nine Tails:
It's not really a horror flick, it's a murder mystery, that just so happens to feature moments of horror-movie-like crimson grue, and - you guessed it - aesthetic takes the driver's seat. The plot is a little more dense than either Deep Red or Crystal Plumage, and while I enjoyed it least of the three, I still dug the overall vibe.


Up In The Air:
Thank You For Smoking, and Juno, were both memorable comedies with an indie-ish vibe that stretched beyond the dull and banal traditions of many recent Hollywood laughers, and Up In The Air continues in a similar vein. The final act may prove less assured than the first half, which provides a strong central protagonist for George Clooney to sink his teeth into - a protagonist who is a bit of a narcisistic git who only cares about getting to 10 million frequent flier miles and being away from 'home' as much as possible. Yet, much to the quality of the script and direction, you never feel put off by this man - indeed you find yourself becoming fascinated, impressed even, by his carefully organised business travel life going from city-to-city sacking employees of various companies, whose bosses are too wimpy to do the deed themselves.

I really quite enjoyed it, and out of Reitman's two previous flicks, it feels more like Thank You For Smoking - with it's not-that-likeable-yet-still-likeable protagonist - than Juno, with it's face-punchingly-sarcastic high schooler.

Double Bill Mini Musings: A load of old Italian cobblers...

Demons & Demons 2:
The Italians, when it comes to the horror genre at least, aren't especially known for particularly great plots. The Italians love the look of something, and that's their primary focus - and so it is with this Dario Argento presented twosome, directed by Lamberto Bava (son of Mario "Bay of Blood" Bava).

The first has a bunch of randomly dated characters (including a pimp-like dude who looks like he got lost somewhere between Saturday Night Fever and a dialogue-light bad guy for Pam Grier to pummel) all attending a secret movie premiere. So begins the movie-within-a-movie, featuring some random mask that cuts you when you put it on and turns you into a demon, who can spread the demon disease through their fingernails. Inexplicably, in the lobby, there is a similar mask (for some reason dangling off the handlebar of a motorbike ... what random movie was this display supposed to be advertising anyway?) that, you guessed it, cuts the cheek of one of the pimp dude's floozies.

She goes all demon on everyone's arse and soon enough the good stuff in the flick finally gets on the go - that being the gore and nonsense violence. Grandiose shots, agonising shots to boot, of demons having their human teeth slowly pushed out by their devilish gnashers (similiar with their fingernails) ... and then constant shots of them wandering around aimlessly screaming ... ... the cast of dated stereotypes and useless fodder, led by the white-suited pimp, barricade themselves and fend off the back-lit, glowing eyed, titular antagonists - and get picked off one-by-one.

Fast forward to a helicopter - for utterly no reason at all - crashing through the ceiling, as well as endlessly dull sequences of coke-headed punks driving interminably around a not-at-all-good-to-look-at Italian city from the 1980s, to simply become yet more fodder, and it's all a bit insufferable, I've got to be honest.

I was rather looking forward to seeing Demons and Demons 2, but neither have the grandiose, painterly vision of Argento's technically superior eye, nor the unmitigated sleaze of Fulci's grindhouse grot. These flicks sit somewhere, uneasily, between, and while Argento's flicks sometimes aren't the strongest when it comes to plot, at least they have one that makes a lick of sense. Demons, and particularly the inferior sequel, is just a bunch of random crap happening.

Speaking of which, the second movie is exactly the same - but in a building - not 'the same like Die Hard 2 is the first one in an airport', no, it's pretty much exactly the same. It again features a movie-within-a-movie, that's supposed to be important, but isn't really, it again features the pimp-in-the-white-suit (this time as a tough-talking gym instructor), it again features a useless rabble of punks insufferably driving around a naff-looking Italian city, it again features gruesomely detailed shots of demon-dental-restructuring, and doesn't make a scrap of sense.

Most of the characters, more so than in the first, are literally nameless, and it's all set in an exceptionally ugly apartment complex filled wall-to-wall with cannon fodder. A bunch of random nonsense happens scene-after-scene in this 'swish' prison, all loosely cobbled together under 'various people need to survive the siege' - and the overacting, just like in the first, is heinous. It's not just naff acting, it's stupendously bad acting, performed by apparently good looking people.

What's worse though is how long it takes for the monsters to transform for most of the movie, until the third act when - for, again, no good reason at all - every remaining side character (in a cast of side characters) instantaneously mutates for 'a scare' (and that's at the same time as being able to impersonate their former selves, which was never flagged up to be an actual ability ... especially as, again, they spend half the movie lumbering around, back-lit, eyes glowing, and screaming endlessly at nothing).

I was really quite interested to see these flicks - the trailers made them look rather enjoyable - but the horrendous scripts, overacting, and general lack of sensible pacing or interest - threw all that out of the window for me. Perhaps if I'd seen them as a young teenager, but there are countless 'lesser' horror movies with far better scripts, acting, and pacing. It wouldn't be so bad if they were 'so bad they're good' (like Zombie Lake, for example), but they're clearly supposed to be something spectacular and they just aren't by any stretch of the imagination. I usually enjoy movies like this, and to each their own, but blimey I really didn't get on with these flicks at all.

The post-Halloween round up - part 1...

Well, tis the season no more ... until Guy Fawke's night ... and then the inevitable shit-fit-frenzy of the run up to Xmas. What did I get up to horror wise? Well, I checked out the European Cut of "Dawn of the Dead" (original & best, obviously not the pointless remake), and I have to say that it's nowhere near as good as the Extended Cut aka Cannes Cut (my personal favourite, which is 139 minutes of sheer heaven). The Euro Cut is understandable, Argento recut to suit Euro audiences, who would subsequently be inundated with 'zeds-n-muff' naffness like "Zombie Lake" - although I actually really enjoyed "Zombie Lake" because it was so silly. However, even though it's understandable, it's still not very well done. The unseen-in-English-speaking-gaffs scene extensions are a Dawn geek's treasured treat, but the exclusions - particularly NO HELICOPTER ZOMBIE, pure madness incarnate - and the soundtrack are a real shame. Superb moments are either chopped out (sometimes in favour of more footage of roaring motorbikes), or the scenes are rendered a clunky and uncomfortable because of Argento's insistence on a purely Goblin-lent soundtrack. Romero used Goblin tracks sparingly and sensibly, they fit the scenes and provided background tension. Argento uses them in a scattergun approach, fades them out abruptly, cuts them off a beat-too-late or just plonks them in the completely wrong place where they become overpowering or just unsuitable. It is however interesting to see a movie I'm so familiar with (yes, I quote the film as it plays) in a different light, but from a technical and critical standpoint, it certainly isn't an exceptional cut of the film - now, the Extended Cut, that is the glory. All of GAR's flair and choice editing, but in greater detail. One could say that Dawn was truly Romero's epic - it's got everything plus a pie-fight after all. Also in my Halloween season line-up was the Halloween theme latest episode of the excellent show "Reaper", certainly one of the most interesting shows to come across the pond in recent times. Otherwise, I also dug myself into "SAW IV", but I'll blog about that in a new post (above).