Pentuple Bill Mini Musings: Saucy Bears, 90s Raunch, Action and Stuff...

Ted:
What's it about?
A lonely boy makes a wish for his teddy bear to come to life. It works. Fast forward thirty years and they're still 'Thunder Buddies for Life' as they laze about and smoke pot all day, but the man who was once a boy with a magic teddy bear needs to grow up, lest his girlfriend leaves him.
Who would I recognise in it?
Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Seth MacFarlane, Giovani Ribisi, Ralph Garman, Joel McHale, Patrick Stewart, Norah Jones, Tom Skerritt.
Great/Good/Alright/Shite?
Would you like a movie where a foul-mouthed teddy bear simulates sexual acts, beats people up, and snorts cocaine? If the answer is yes, then you'll have a bloody good time. The second half might get a bit flabby at points (after a very solid first hour), but it's a testament to the filmmakers that they could make this rather badly behaved bear be so acceptable to the audience. Plenty of raunchy humour abound - I had a lot of fun with this flick. Great.

Click "READ MORE" below for action, erotica, Oscar-worthy performances, and Herge...
Safe House:
What's it about?
A CIA operative who runs a secret 'Safe House' in South Africa finds his dull existence thrown into a whirlwind of action and murky goings-on when a notorious ex-agent arrives on his door step.
Who would I recognise in it?
Ryan Reynolds, Denzel Washington, Robert Patrick, Vera Farmiga, Brendan Gleeson, Sam Shepard, Liam Cunningham, Joel Kinnaman.
Great/Good/Alright/Shite?
It barrels along at a fair old lick, with some nicely executed action set pieces (car chases, gun fights, the standard must-haves), and it's all proper and correct throughout. Ultimately though it's not going to become an enduring classic, and it'll no doubt begin to fade in your memory fairly quickly. Fun while it lasts, mind. On the cusp between Good and Alright.


Sliver:
What's it about?
A book editor moves into an apartment building where a woman who looked just like her was murdered. What's more, the entire building is rigged with hidden cameras. Saucy goings on and killer thriller action ensues.
Who would I recognise in it?
Sharon Stone, William Baldwin, Tom Berenger, CCH Pounder, Martin Landau.
Great/Good/Alright/Shite?
Decidedly 90s throughout - but in a good way - this erotic thriller proved to be an entertaining watch with plenty of voyeuristic titillation (and commentary on such activity) on-show from the outset. Pleasingly twisty in places, not-to-mention raunchy in that early 1990s way (when Basic Instinct and Fatal Attraction were all the rage). Good.


The Descendants:
What's it about?
Comedy drama about a distracted father who has to deal with his dying wife (in a coma after a jet ski accident), his troubled kids, and the revelation that his wife was cheating on him in their home town of Hawaii, which outsiders assume is always like a paradise.
Who would I recognise in it?
George Clooney, Shailene Woodley, Matthew Lillard, Beau Bridges.
Great/Good/Alright/Shite?
More drama than comedy, it's filled with strong performances and takes a slightly askew view to something that feels familiar, which makes sense coming from the director of Sideways. It's perhaps a little-too-earnest at times, and while it's a strong film, it can get a bit depressing and probably isn't quite as memorable as the Oscars fuss about it at the time would lead you to believe. Good.


The Aventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn:
What's it about?
Steven Spielberg's motion-captured CG-animated action romp based on Herge's famous series of family-friendly boys own adventure novels.
Who would I recognise in it?
Jamie Bell, Andy Serkis, Daniel Craig, Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Toby Jones, Daniel Mays, Mackenzie Crook, Cary Elwes (all voices).
Great/Good/Alright/Shite?
Jam-packed with rambunctious action set-pieces that get ever-larger, ever-more-ambitious, and ever-more-entertaining as the film ploughs forth with the sort of drive and energy that some action adventures in recent years have sorely lacked (a third act, single-shot chase through a North African city is ridiculously good fun). Clocking in at a very reasonable running time, it doesn't hang around to ever lose its sense of propulsion - and with the well-balanced humour laced gently throughout, the film also never misplaces its sense of sheer fun. I knew of Tintin, but I knew practically nothing about it in general, and yet I had a jolly good time. The motion capture techniques - previously used extensively by Robert Zemeckis in recent years - are impressive in terms of detail, but are at times a little distracting when it comes to faces ... they haven't quite figured out the uncanny valley thing ... but nevertheless, it's a breathlessly exciting adventure. On the cusp between good and great.