Friday, 4 April 2008

AvP: Requiem...

Some more thoughts regarding this flick as I was having a think about it earlier.

Firstly, it really is complete shite, but secondly it's a complete rip-off of Alien 1, 2 and 3 as well as both the Predator films. It seems the script writers watched those movies, stole a variety of scenes and lines of dialogue, smooshed them all together to make a kind of purply-brown splodge of crap (like when you mix a load of different coloured paints together) and then sprinkled some MTV-chumming, O.C. style dandruff on the top and called it AvP: Requiem.

It's abominable, it really is. The only good part - or decent-ish part anyway - is the violence and gore, and even that is mostly in the pitch dark so you can't see anything at all, or it's just been thrown around so much you couldn't give a bollocks.

Also, what's with the Predalien? Why would a hybrid be that half-and-half? Surely a mixture of two vastly different sets of DNA wouldn't come out so clean - it is of course just two pictures (one of each beasty) laid on top of one another, and then the designer shouted "done!"

It's a real shame, because the first 3 Alien films and the 2 Predator movies were awesome ... Alien 4 is a bit of a bastard step-child that smells a bit, as well as being completely unnecessary ... then AvP came along with it's PG-13 mish-mash, garbage-juicer, franchise-raping ways ... then AvP2 appeared, and the pompously-self-titled "The Brothers Strauss" kept banging on about how awesome their movie was going to be because of all the gore they've put back in.

If the characters are stupid, boring, lame and uninspired cliches, and if the vast majority of the movie's good parts are actually just pilfered from the previous entries in the respective franchises, and the script is just a cluster-fuck from start to finish, then how is that a good movie?

Hindsight is a powerful thing, originally I think I was far too kind on this crap-fest, upon second viewing it's just gotten worse. It's head-in-hands time people. Sometimes a second viewing can make a movie better, especially in over-hype situations like with Superbad (awesome movie, but the intense hype around it led to my first viewing being not as juicy as the second), but sometimes a second viewing flings a turd into the light for all to see it's nutty crapness.

Now before anybody might start thinking 'fanboy rant', well shut up, because if the movie genuinely was good I'd be praising it. Also, if someone said "I'd like to see you come up with a better script" - well invent a time machine, organise for me to write the film and pay me for it and then I bloody well will!

Ugh, what a waste of time and effort it all is ... such a shame ... still, the original franchises remain in existence and continue to be awesome, so it's not all bad then.

Plus, in a world where BioShock exists, it just goes to show that creative talent hasn't completely vanished under the crushing weight of My Super Sweet 16 and other such intelligence-sapping crap.

No comments: