“We just go in and kick
ass!” / “That's a plan.” International villain Kane returns, but this
time he's not playing death games for a sense of honour, oh no, 'cos now this
gun runner/all-round bad dude means business. On the hunt for his stolen
Klystron Relay (essentially a key to a nuclear bomb), the buff 'n' busty
agents of, er, The Agency, dive into a bombastic cat & mouse chase as the
plot macguffin has a propensity to change hands almost as many times as the
cast's clothing drops to the floor...
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continue the review and see more screenshots…
“Aloha, Hawaii! It's Ava,
your moonlight mistress – let's spend the night together.” With
undercover agents Mika (Mika Quintard) and Silk (Carolyn Liu)
aboard criminal mastermind Kane's luxurious yacht, they take time out from
their busy schedule of fine dining and lingerie-clad three-ways to steal a Jade
Buddha figure, which for some reason is very important to Kane. Meanwhile,
Donna (Dona Speir, Savage Beach) and Nicole (Roberta Vasquez, Guns)
are enjoying some much-needed R&R after their life-or-death escapades in
the previous movie (Do Or Die) – but when their riverside bikini
splash fights are interrupted by the arrival of Mika with a giro-copter hot on
her tail, the Agency's most capable ass-kickers find themselves embroiled in
another fine mess.
“So our little hummingbird
becomes a hawk.” With the action returning to the Hawaiian islands once
again (who knew a holiday paradise for Middle America was the hub of so many
threats to national security?!), Donna and Nicole gather their team and get
stuck into the usual mix of firing tiny guns at speedy aircraft and bonking
on-the-job. However, when Donna is captured and suffers amnesia, it's up to
Nicole, Bruce (Bruce Penhall, Body Count), and the rest of the
team to get their golden gal back and secure that nuclear trigger hidden inside
the Jade Buddha. Will they succeed? Why do they always have to wait until
morning to take action? What kind of birth control methods are these randy
bunnies using? Where do they keep their supply of hairspray to maintain their
fantastic hairdo's?
“When we are finished with
her she'll be singing the song of death, and Lucas will applaud her from hell.”
The usual heady mix of entertaining nonsense is what can be expected from Hard
Hunted, even if the formula is getting a bit tired at this point in the
series. From Kane's practically lustful appreciation of the giro-copter belonging
to head goon Raven (Al Leong, Die Hard) to the introduction of a
radio station behind the scenes at Edy's new restaurant, Hard Hunted
boasts its fair share of silliness. With Ava (Ava Cadell) manning the
microphone – occasionally from a topless hot-tub, and always while wearing a
range of figure-hugging, skimpy-as-you-like bikinis – The Agency has a new tool
in spy craft: the call-in 'Sextrology' show! What on earth is that? Just a way
to broadcast vaguely secret messages to agents in the field, of course … as
long as they're in earshot of an AM/FM radio, that is.
“I have a contact in
Arizona. He's reliable – he's Asian.” By this point in the 'L.E.T.H.A.L.
Ladies' saga, Andy Sidaris had successfully managed to streamline his
scripts enough so that they were no longer baffling and bloated – which is what
became of the otherwise entertaining Picasso Trigger (1988).
However, despite finding a consistent groove, Hard Hunted manages to
throw up some new complications – namely resurrections and re-castings. While
all the films are connected, and some actors have previously returned to play
different roles, this is the first time that a single major villain has crossed
from one film to the next, and so this seventh entry in the series is a direct
continuation of 1991's Do Or Die, with Kane coming back to do battle
with The Agency once again. The big wrinkle in that? Pat Morita (The
Karate Kid) doesn't return to the role, which is instead handed to the
decidedly not Japanese-American, definitely white British actor
Geoffrey Moore (Fit To Kill). Bold as brass like usual, Sidaris
never bothers to try and explain away the jarring difference in age, race,
nationality, and accent, and just rolls with it!
“Stones? I'll show you
stones.” Kane isn't the only character who is played by a new actor,
though, as Lucas – previously portrayed by William Bumiller – is now brought to
the screen by Tony Peck (Sliver). And what about those
aforementioned resurrections? Ah, yes, because despite being blown up and moved
into the “death zone” in the previous movie, Ava and Skip (Skip Ward)
both return – but this time Ava is now a part of The Agency and Skip is the
right-hand-man of mercenary-for-hire Pico (Rodrigo Obregón). Is any of
this explained? Of course not – don't be daft! Also returning, among other
familiar characters/faces, are bumbling assassins Wiley (Chu Chu Malave)
and Coyote (Richard Cansino) whose penchant for needlessly complicating
their hits once again bites them in the butt. Sidaris escalates the wink to
cartoon violence to sledgehammer-meets-nose levels of gleeful obviousness –
just look at the bold white “ACME” scrawled on the side of that gun!
“Even James Bond takes time
out for sex.” Despite being made for adult audiences, Sidaris' movies
are now rather quaint by today's standards. While the sex scenes are frequent (sometimes
very frequent), you often see raunchier stuff in music videos these days,
because in the Sidaris-verse there may be a lax dress code but there's nary a
pelvic thrust in sight. Similarly, when it comes to language, it's pretty tame
for the most part, and even the violence is often brief and nothing like what
passes for mainstream entertainment today. Imagine, if you will, a typical
episode of The A-Team … but with lots of T&A. Sounds like jolly good
fun, doesn't it? Well, it sure is, even if the merry-go-round is starting to
feel a bit creaky by this point.
“We were never lovers. I
faked that orgasm!” However, when you consider that Sidaris was
cranking out one of these movies once or even twice a year, and that the
scripts were cobbled together from first idea to final draft in about three
weeks, it's hardly surprising that Hard Hunted ends up feeling a bit 'been
there, done that'. Still, though, even if the film struggles to live up to
some of the more zippy entries in the series, if you're seven movies deep into
a franchise you know what to expect: more of the same silly fun. Even if the
engine sputters as often as it roars, viewers can be sure to enjoy more of the
spunky resolve of Donna and Nicole, whose endearing mix of beauty, brawn, and
brains has proven to be one of the most pleasing aspects of the Sidaris-verse.
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